The Hopeless Cause of Living Logically

*I have stood victorious on the top of a mountain that I thought would kill me, and I have lain fetal in the valley of a drug den. I almost lost my life on the day I was born as the cord that had supplied me with life for nine months tried to suffocate my very existence. I have destroyed more than I have created. I have caused gut-wrenching pain to those who have sacrificed themselves for me. I continue to surprise myself by the extent to which I fall short of glory. It never fails that the moment I start to believe that I've arrived, life insists on breaking my back and laying me flat on my ass for all the world to see. As I lay there, gasping for air, my head spinning, I curse myself for ever having gotten back up in the first place and try to convince myself that this time it would be best to stay down... After all, the closer you are to the ground, the less it hurts when you make impact with it. I guess if I wasn't such a relentlessly foolish optimistic dreamer I might listen to the voice in my head. Inevitably, however, I manage to outwit my better sense and laugh at its silliness of ever thinking that life is better lived from the ground level. I dust myself off and start the climb again, knowing full damn well that it is just a matter of time before I lose my footing on that mountain and plummet back down to the valley again. But I'm a hopeless cause as far as living logically goes... I will always take the risk that is called life no matter what the potential consequence may be. I will always jump up and beg for more experiences and more happiness, even though I've learned that it always brings more pain and more turmoil with it. I've attempted to weigh my options on the scales of justice and self-betterment several times to no avail. I always choose the most risky option available to me... I always dive head-first into life-changing mistakes... I simply must immerse myself in this life and taste every flavor that it offers to me, no matter how bitter or sour it is. I want to hold this life until I squeeze the meaning out of it and not let go until I have absorbed every drop of its intensity into my soul. I want to share moments with people, in spite of the pain caused by their absences when they leave. These moments of self-doubt mixed with understanding are the ones that form the mile-markers for our lives and without them, we are left with endless highways of living that do nothing but numb the brain and cause drowsiness. I want to live... For all the pointless agony and for all the glorious memories that this brings with it. I want it all. And I will stop at nothing to attain this. My life has been marked with heart-ache, confusion, and despair... But it has also been illuminated by the light of grace, the kindness of strangers, and the love of others. I will gladly embrace the darkness because when that sun called Existence finally shines down on me, it brings with it an overwhelming warmth and beauty that makes it all worth it...